Great News ...

So, yesterday I posted about settling with a credit card company. :o) I was up some of the night praying and asking for guidance and help and really got myself into the mind set of getting this stuff paid for. We can do it if we get our butts in gear, ya know.

Daniel had mentioned something about filing for bankruptcy and it just didn't sit right with me because we 'could' make the payment if we put our minds to it. Either way, bankruptcy or not, it's going to have to get paid for, right? So why not just pay for it and avoid changing your life completely. I finally talked him into NOT filing for bankruptcy by reading THIS ARTICLE to him. Finally, he understood.

Well, today I talked to Heather and she agreed to let me work an extra night shift to help pay it down. I was super stoked about that. And also, we had two other companies call and agreed to work with us. So, by the end of this year we will be out from under two cards. Woo-Hoo!

I tell ya what ... We haven't used a credit card in over two years and don't ever plan on doing it again. We got ourselves into a bind by being irresponsible and IT SUCKS. We know what we did wrong and have definitely learned our lesson.

Pray for us though ... That everything falls into place.
Matthew 6:33

I Need $1,400 ...

So, Daniel and I are in some credit card debt ... along with everyone else. Well, we had a creditor call this evening and offer to settle with us for $1,400 but it all has to be paid by October. Well ... I don't have an extra $350 a month laying around. I mean, if I did ... I'd be makin' the payment. ?? Duh!

Well, here I am trying to figure out where we can get an extra $89 a week to put towards our bill. I'm going to ask Heather if I can work an extra night or two each week at the restaurant to help get this paid down. I hope and pray she says yes. She's already fully staffed so .. We'll see how this goes.

But, I've also been lookin' online for other ways to get some cash. Well, I know of all the scams so I'm cautious about everything. And I'm planning on having a yard sale but I'm not sure how that will go because I don't have a whole lot of anything to sale. lol ...

Do you know of anything? I'm not interested in direct selling businesses ... I don't have time for parties or long conference calls. Ugh, I don't know .... At one point in time I sold Avon, Home Interiors and Melaleuca. And all three helped to get me where I'm at today. In debt. :o) Minimum orders and all that crap add up.

I will say this ... Them wanting to settle has definitely got me motivated. Because it makes us feel like there's an end in sight. Ya know? We've been reading Dave Ramsey's book about budgeting and all that good stuff but how do you budget when you don't have money to budget with? We just have more going out than what's coming in. And we HAVE to get it under control. Working in a restaurant definitely doesn't help. Some weeks it's beneficial and some weeks it's not.

So, if you'd like ... help me out! :o) What are your tips ... Thanks!

The Wishing Jar

I just finished reading The Wishing Jar by Penelope J. Stokes and I loved it.

If you read and visit the library often do you ever feel like sometimes a book finds you rather than you find the book? Well, that's how I felt Tuesday when while I was searching for a book to read to get my mind off of the D&C I had last Friday.

I had searched through all kinds of books waiting to feel like I found the one I wanted to read and then I finally came across a green book with a jar on the front. There was a symbol on the side that read Christian Novel with a cross on it. I had the urge come over me and I picked it up and walked up to check it out. I didn't even read the back to see what it was about.

In all, it took me about 7 hours to read the book in a span of 3 days of reading. I highly recommend this novel to anyone. We all take things from books and I took from this one not to ask "why me" when we go through trials and tests but to find God in the situation and go from there. I look back at the miscarriage and don't think about the miscarriage but trust God with no questions asked. I learned at church one Sunday that sometimes God chooses us for certain things because we're strong enough to take it. I choose to roll with that answer and move on to the next task.

If you get a chance, check out the book at the library and read it. Come tell me what you think about it.

I Thought I was Strong ...

New here? You need to read the previous entries to understand any of this!

And remember ... read the tagline below the title up there! :o)

Um ... how do I put this? I think I have some people fooled. For the past couple of days I've heard things like, "You're a strong person, you'll pull through this", "God is on your side, he'll give you strength." And I appreciate all of these comments, really I do. But ... I think I'm fooling some folks and have on a great mask.

I know I'm a strong person but y'all, I'm mourning right now. I'm in pain and I miss the thought of perhaps having a little girl.

From the beginning of my pregnancy with J.D. I knew ... I KNEW I was having a little boy. And from the beginning of this one I felt it was going to be a little girl.

I called it a her and her name would have been Kalynn Grace Williams. :o) And y'all ... I didn't want a girl. lol I would be blessed to have all boys ... But look, we were at Wal-Mart Saturday night getting some things to make a banana pudding and I saw all of these girls and I felt like they all sensed I was going through a hard time because they all smiled at me when they looked at me and continued to watch me. I don't know if it was my sad smile when I looked at them but ... something made them notice me. Broke my heart. But it was the darndest thing.

I rode home with the windows rolled down jammin' out to 80's music but I was in my own world. I'll admit ... I was having a "what might've been" moment. My due date was 2 days after my birthday. She could've been born on my birthday and then we really would've fought because she'd be just like me. haha ... Ah ... What might've been .... Atleast she'd been awesome. All Capricorn's are great! *wink*

It's hard not to drift into dreams like that when you go through something like this. I can't help it. And I try to be strong and say I can make it through this. Women do it EVERYDAY and everyday life goes on. I KNOW! This is just a little harder than I imagined. I don't know why. The spiritual side of me is saying ... "it's the Devil putting these thoughts in your mind". And the realistic side of me is saying ... "Honey, this is just life. And in life, when you're sad, your just that ... sad!" *sigh*

I don't drink ... but I want to.
And I don't smoke ... but I want to.
Why though ... ?
Seriously ... like those things are going to help!? Uh .. NO!

Then I argue with myself again ... Give a sacrifice of praise and open your Bible and just read ... Be by yourself and just pray ... Turn on the radio and sing worship songs. I'm not a baby Christian anymore and I know what I need to do ... But the rebel deep down just don't want to. How sad ....

So anyways... I'm going to stop here before I keep rambling. Please pray for me ... And keep me in your prayers.

Bad News ....

Probably too much information for ya ... But, it's my blog!

Sigh .... Here's where I can talk without you hearing my emotions. Here's where I can say everything and don't see everyone's expressions.

I had to go to the doctor last week because I was spotting brown blood (old blood). So, the doctor wanted me to come to to have an ultrasound to make sure things were fine. I had an ultrasound and everything was "perfect". Heartbeat looked great. I even got to watch my little love bug wiggle around inside my belly. :o) Very sweet.

Well, I had a scheduled appointment Wednesday for the genetic testing for like down syndrome and all that. I was to have a bunch of blood work done. We didn't quite make it that far because when my doctor went to listen to the heartbeat on that hand held device she couldn't find it. I knew instantly that wasn't good. At 12 weeks you should be able to find something like that fairly quickly.

She sent me over to the ultrasound room and to make a long story short, we tried another ultrasound on the outside of my belly and when the picture came up I told her "I don't see a white blinking dot" ... Rebecca, the ultrasound lady, pressed her lips together and then took a deep breath. I said "Just be honest and straight up with me." She told me I knew the routine and put a paper blanket thing on my legs. That meant get up, we're doing an internal ultrasound. So, I did as I was told and she came back in. She did her thing and it was confirmed when there wasn't a heartbeat. :o( After a few minutes of a nervous breakdown the doctor came in and confirmed it again ... And then there was another breakdown. It was a sad moment for everyone in the room because I have been going there for a while. We'd gotten to know each other ...

Apparently, my little lovebug didn't have an organ that formed right or something because they said it's rare to see the baby have a good heartbeat and move around like it did and then within a couple days of that, die. :o( Sad ... Only God knows though .... right!

She explained to me I had to have a D&C and what that involved. Gross. Scary. I asked her if I would be put to sleep and she said I would and told me NEXT TUESDAY would be when it happens. ? I thought why so long but didn't think much of it. I'm not a doctor. I miscarried before but only at 7 weeks and I didn't have to have all this done.

I decided to work Thursday because I'm better when I'm busy. I deal with things better when I'm being productive. While I was at work I went to the bathroom and I had bright red stringy blood coming out and I told my boss I had to leave immediately. While I was on my way home I called my doctor's nurse and told her what was going on. She gave me some options and I agreed to come in Friday morning and have the procedure done there in the office. She told me that the reason they had it for Tuesday was because I asked if I would be put to sleep and that means something different to doctors than it does to me. She thought I wanted to be completely knocked out.

So, that brings us to yesterday morning. I didn't sleep Thursday night at all I was cramping terribly and knew when I stood up everything might fall out. And it did. As soon as I got in the shower blood came rushing out and I was again ... having a nervous breakdown. Sobbing and scared I managed to get though it, get dressed and get to the doctor. Thank God for good husbands!! Can I get an 'AMEN'! He dealt with J.D. (3) while I dealt with myself.

In the meantime of all of this, ALL of my inner circle (good friends & family) are calling me and praying with me. I haven't even hinted on how my spiritual life was at this time. Let's just say I wasn't feeling very uh .. 'loving' about God and his decision at that moment. But I prayed with my family and begged them to continue to pray for me even off the phone.

Anyways, I make it to the doctor and guess what, they want me to pee in a cup. I've been avoiding using the bathroom since Thursday at 3pm. I'm not even joking! This would be the 2nd time I'd went to the bathroom. Seriously. So I do and guess what ... more blood. Filled up a pad within seconds.

Rebecca, the ultrasound lady, gives me a hug and looks so sad for me but assured me thing are going to be ok and to keep in touch with her. Sad.

The nurse, Daniel and myself get into an elevator and go downstairs and she immediately gives me Valume, Ibuprofen and Fenigrin. And then she puts an IV in my hand and shoots me up with 2 doses of something to stop the HORRIBLE cramping I was feeling.

After about 35-45 minutes I'm on cloud 9 and she walks me into 'the room'! The FIRST THING I see is .... a BRIGHT RED BAG at the end of the table that says BIOHAZARD all over it. I LOSE IT! UGH ... Reality hit and I had to lay back on the table. She begin putting the twilight medicine in my IV and the doctor came in and she touched my leg to pat it.

I touched her hand and put my other hand on top of it and said "Father, in the name of Jesus I pray that you will be in this room today with Dr. Taupe. Lord guide her hands through this procedure and keep her mind clear and focused on what she has to do. Lord I pray you will be with me and not let me remember anything that I'm about to go through ..." And that is all I remember from that!

I woke up sitting in the chair I was sitting in before the surgery. Someone said how are you feeling and I said, "I just want to get this over with"! And they giggled and said "Honey, it is over with". Then I remember getting in the car and going to the pharmacy. I don't remember getting home. But I remember crawling in bed and sleeping for a few hours. I woke up to J.D. pulling my hair, trying to rub it, and saying "Mama, get up! Come watch Caillou". Bless his heart, he just don't understand.

And about J.D. :o( He knew he was going to be a big brother. He thought we had a baby in an egg in my belly! lol ... He was so cute about it. Well, Wednesday night he grabbed the ultrasound picture of my nightstand that I forgot to move and said ... "Is that you baby mama". And I said "Yep". He said, "In you belly?" And I told him that our baby is in Heaven with Jesus. He understands that. Papa just passed away a few months ago and he says "Papa in Heaven with Jesus." He knows Cassie is in Heaven with Jesus. And even when it rains he'll say "God wants it to rain Mama?" lol ... He's a love bug! And last night before Mama got here he rubbed my belly and said "You baby in Heaven with Jesus?". I nodded my head and he said "I wuv you with all my heart Mama". :o( *sigh* I love him too.

BUT ... I'm fine now. Today is a new day. Things like this happen but life contines to go on. I praise God that I was not farther along like some people and I praise God I am the kind of person who understands that we live on God's time and not our own. I'm thankful I have the spiritual knowledge that helps me to understand that he has my best interest at heart no matter what he allows to happen.

Today ... it's a new day! A new beginning. Yes, I'm sad. Especially when I touch my stomach and it's not hard anymore but soft. That breaks my heart. And the images of seeing my baby wiggle in me with its little nubby arms will never go away. Nor will the images of seeing him or her laying there motionless without a heartbeat. :o( *tear* But that baby is in Heaven and when I get there .... We WILL be together.

Psalm 31:7:
⁷ I will rejoice and be glad in Your faithful love
because You have seen my affliction.
You have known the troubles of my life

I was very upset the other day with God because I didn't feel his presence with me when I needed it. I know what God's presence feels like and it wasn't there. I opened up and told my aunt about it and just cried and she prayed a VERY strong prayer with me and I tell you what. I think she was straight knocking on the walls of Heaven because I could feel love and peace come over me. She prayed for me to understand that this procedure had to be done and I assure you when I woke up yesterday morning I was scared but ready to get it done. I knew it had to be done. I had a peace over me while I was laying there in pain. And I have a peace over me now! I slept well last night and my mom even let my little boy spend the night! lol ... He's 3 and he's only spend the night ONCE in his whole life. Y'all ... God is good! lol ... He will come through when you need him ... And when you think you don't.

Peanut Butter "Cheese Ball"

This just looks delicious!!! :o)



Peanut Butter "Cheese Ball"

Level: Easy
Rated:

Source:

It’s a fact! Peanut butter and cheese top the list of kids’ favorite foods. Try them together in this unique recipe for Peanut Butter "Cheese Ball."

With a shell of swirled morsels, this creamy, peanut-buttery snack is perfect for dipping graham cracker sticks and apple slices -- a tasty addition to your child’s party menu.

Treat the little ones (and you too!) to this ever-so-delicious twist on the traditional cheese ball.

Estimated Times:
Preparation - 15 min | Cooling Time - 3 hrs 30 min freezing | Yields - 20

Ingredients: 1 package (8 ounces) cream cheese, at room temperature 1 cup powdered sugar 3/4 cup creamy or chunky peanut butter (not all-natural) 3 tablespoons packed dark brown sugar 1 1/2 cups (9 ounces) NESTLÉ® TOLL HOUSE® SWIRLED™ Milk Chocolate & Peanut Butter Morsels Graham cracker sticks and/or apple slices

Directions: BEAT cream cheese, powdered sugar, peanut butter and brown sugar in large mixer bowl until blended. Spoon onto a large piece of plastic wrap; bring up all four corners and twist tightly (should form a ball shape). FREEZE for 1 hour 30 minutes or until firm enough to keep its shape. Place morsels in flat dish. Remove plastic wrap from ball and roll ball into morsels to completely cover (you may find it necessary to press morsels into ball). PLACE ball on serving dish; cover and freeze for 2 hours or until almost firm. (Can be made ahead. If frozen overnight, thaw at room temperature for 20 to 30 minutes before serving.) Serve with graham cracker sticks and apple slices for dipping or spreading.

Updates to HappySAHM.com

I've made some updates and I wanted to tell you about them.

I've added 2 New Monthly Picks.
http://happysahm.com/Home_Page.html

I've added a new coupon site.
http://happysahm.com/Coupons.html

I've updated the advertise page.
http://happysahm.com/Advertise.html

I've updated the Work @ Home page.
http://happysahm.com/workathome1.html

And I've removed the message boards because I plan on going with a different service. I'll inform you when a new message board is ready.

Check out the updates and enjoy the site! While you're there pick up your free ebook on the home page.

Thanks ...

Second Ultrasound

I had my second ultrasound today .... There is only ONE baby in there! Thank God! PHEW!

I'm 8 weeks pregnant and my due date is January 10, 2010. Everything is lookin' good. The baby's heartbeat was 174. Old wives tales say that's the sign of a girl ...

Lord, if I give birth to a girl, help us all! lol ...

I laughed out loud today while we were doing the ultrasound. My little love bug looks like a lobster. I'm not even jokin'.

And if I can just be honest, I'm a little nervous about the whole thing.

I went to the doctor Monday ...

And I'm pregnant ... again! :o) haha ... Totally unexpected. I have to go back on June 1st for another ultrasound. I think it could be twins but they won't say anything. Twins run in our family and I won't be shocked if they tell me there's two little runts in there. haha I

'm kinda nervous though. We're not in any condition to have another child right now but I guess you make do with what you got. Atleast we have most of everything we need for another child. Thankfully, I am a pack rat and can't seem to part with any of JD's things. Bottles, pacifiers, clothes, toys! You name it. We got it.

I'll keep everyone posted!