This Mother Still Breastfeeds Her Six-Year Old Son!

Is that GREAT or GROSS?? 

 

First, read the article ... Here! Right click to open in a new window.

Ok. I'm just curious .... What do YOU think?? Because in my opinion, plopping out your boob for your 6-year old is just plain gross. Pump in a cup lady!!

My Birthday Wish

A few months ago I went to Catalyst. While I was there I learned about Charity: Water. If you've been to my blog before then you've seen a few of my posts on them.  Well, while I was at Catalyst I pledged to give up my birthday for Charity: Water. And that is what this post is all about ...

On January 5, 2011 I will be turning 29 years old.  My goal is to raise $500. $500 will give water to 25 people; 5 families!! Please help me reach my goal!

Check out My Birthday Wish page > http://mycharitywater.org/kaprice

Thank you!

12 Days Later ...

13 Days Until Christmas!!

Y'all!! Where has this month gone? Seriously. It has been 12 days since my last post. During that time my husband and I have been trying to get our super tiny house prepared to add another family member to it. Much easier said than done. 

Our computer room/storage room has to be cleaned out. The wallpaper needs to be taken down and the walls either need to be covered again or painted. Deer wallpaper is not sufficient for my little girl's room. This may sound easy to the average "Joe"sephine but it's not ... We have a lot of stuff ... THAT WE USE!  

Before we could start on that room though our room needed to be cleaned out and so did the attic. Now remember, our house is like SUPER DUPER small. I mean our whole house has one bathroom. Our closets are tiny and so is the attic space. So needless to say we have donated a ton of stuff to Salvation Army (about two truck loads full).

I'm so over this whole thing. I feel like it's all we do is clean out that room and organize the rest of the house to accommodate our other things. Headache. 

ANYWAYS, onto a better note. Our church hosted a Breakfast with Santa fundraiser today and it was so much fun. :o)  We're raising money for our Women's Fearless Conference in February. My due date is around that time .... I hope I can come. lol

So, JD has seen Santa FOUR times this year already. The last three times have been the same Santa. We know this Santa personally and he knows JD so this is fun. Well today at the breakfast JD was a total Santa Stalker. He watched him and talked to him constantly. So cute. We've taught him that the real Santa lives in the North Pole but these are all of Santa's helpers; that way he doesn't get real confused. 

Anywho, he has continuously asked Santa for a kitchen set. What are you thoughts on boy's with kitchen sets?? Seriously.  In my opinion they're girl toys. Now, I did find a Little Tikes Grill that I'm thinking about ordering. But my issue is that we've already met our budget for JD for Christmas. Santa told me today, lol, that if I didn't get that boy the kitchen set he keeps asking for he's going to put coal in my stocking. I don't want coal in my stocking so I guess I need to get it. I don't know ... 

Well, I'm sick and coughing so I guess I ought to go get some water. I don't need to keep spreading my germs everywhere. Y'all pray for me. I'm actually taking medicine for being sick! I know it's approved medicine but it still scares me, especially being almost 32 weeks pregnant, ya know?

Good Night! :o) Oh, tell me what you think about 4-year old boys with kitchen/grilling sets. Do you think it's okay?

NKOTBSB

Did anybody else see NKOTBSB on the AMA's last night?

Well, I did and I loved it. I was born in 1982 and that performance was right up my alley! I mean hello! Joey McIntyre and Nick Carter on one stage! Oh sweet baby Jesus, I was in Heaven!! lol

I'm a busy Mama and I don't have time to keep up with the latest and greatest from the boy bands I loved while growing up. So, needless to say, I had no clue they were touring together in the Summer of 2011.  I will say this though, this chick is going to get tickets!! 

A couple of years ago NKOTB came to Atlanta and a friend of mine from middle school invited me to go with her. We had a blast. It was so funny to see all the girls decked out in some 80's gear; big hair, leg warmers, big buttons, NKOTB shirts, etc. And there I was in my UGA shirt, lol. I didn't care. I was just thankful to be there. My big brother took me back when I was like 7 years old to see NKOTB so this was a must! 

If you're a fan, they have a website: www.NKOTBSB.com. :o)

It's Tuesday!

So, here it is Tuesday, November 16, 2010. Where has time gone? It seems like just yesterday we were having JD's birthday party and that was in April. Now, all of a sudden it's almost Thanksgiving. I feel like I just found out I was pregnant and I'm already at 28 weeks.

 

Miss Amberly has approximately 12 weeks before she graces us with her presence and our house is no where near ready. I mean, we don't even have a room for her, yet. lol  We're trying to get a corner computer desk to put in our bedroom so we can get the computer moved out of here and into there.  With that being said we have to find an articulating T.V. wall mount for our T.V. that doesn't cost an arm and a leg. 

See, our house has a little over 1000 sq. ft. of living space. It's just a 3 bedroom, 1 bath house. It's tiny. We didn't plan on being here this long but with the housing market this way there is no way this house will sell quick in our area. 

 

Because space is limited we are making some serious changes in our house. For instance, I've been reading online on how to make the most out of what you got and one of the ideas was to take down closet doors and hang up, very neatly, a curtain over the door. Well, we are going to do that in our bedroom. We're going to hang the T.V. on a wall mount to free up space on the chest of drawers.  We're going to purchase a corner desk that is small and get rid of one of the chest of drawers.  We're going to use the plastic storage bins that can slide under the bed to use for clothing storage instead of the drawers. I need to find some el cheapo shelves or a cute idea to put all of my books and stuff on.

Ooohh, speaking of "stuff" we are fiercely cleaning out this house! I'm getting rid of SOOOO much stuff.  I refuse to sell on eBay because their fees are OUTRAGEOUS! And shipping these days isn't cheap either.  But, I think I'm going to sell some things on CraigsList and hope for the best.  I want to have a yard sale but the wonderful Georgia fall weather is settling in so that means it's going to be chilly and wet for a little while. 

I just want this room cleaned out so we can take down the deer wallpaper and paint it pink! :o) The bedding we registered for is absolutely precious ... Here's a pic! 

Isn't that just precious? It so fits us. lol ... I can't wait! We have a lot to do in this room!! We have hardwood floors and the area rug that is in here doesn't match plus it's kinda nasty because we've had it for so long.  I need to find one that isn't too expensive.  We are SO on a budget since I lost my job.  I'm sure y'all know how it is. 

Well, I had to post something because it's been a few days. :o) *Happy Tuesday* I have to get back to cleaning now. 

TTFN - Ta Ta For Now!

Fun-Filled Weekend!

So this past weekend was great! 

It all started Friday night when my husband went out of town with a buddy to go deer huntin'. It was just me and JD so we rented Toy Story 3 and ate hot wings and macaroni and cheese bites for supper.  And let me just say this, Toy Story 3 is by far one of the saddest movies a mama can watch. My goodness I cried and cried. I'm even telling JD to be nicer to his toys. lol

Saturday was the highlight of the weekend though. :o) I went along with 12 other ladies from my husband's family to The Cheesecake Factory and to The Fox Theater to see White Christmas.  I have never been to either of those places and I had a great time. 

Me & Amy - My Sister-in-Law

This was a "you had to be there" moment. I ordered the Little Side Salad to go with my pasta. This was the largest side salad I had ever seen. It was stacked up at least 6 in. on the plate. I told Amy she had to get some ... that was her second side plate full and look at how much was left on my plate. LOL

My Sister-in-Law's strawberry cheesecake with extra strawberries!

Mmm! Chocolate Tuxedo Cream Cheesecake

Me & My Beloved Cheesecake

This is what was left! haha

The Fox Theater

I drove my car to Atlanta because I get terrible motion sickness if I'm a passenger. So, packed down in my little Focus was me, my mother-in-law and my sister-in-law. :o) We laughed and laughed ... It was great.  I am a decent driver ... However, I have road rage. And I don't do so well on narrow streets. But, it all worked out. We got there and got home safely. 

Saturday evening I got home around 6pm or so and Daniel was already home. He and JD were hangin' out watching TV and we all decided to watch Toy Story 3 again.  Daniel had never seen it. JD thinks the movie needs a narrator.  Daniel is getting tired and wants to sleep. And there's me over on the love seat just boo-hooin'. JD kept getting me tissue. lol  We had a good time though! 

Sunday was a super busy day! Daniel worked the first part of the day.  JD and I went to church. After that we went to Nana's house for my father-in-law's birthday lunch and around 4pm we all went to my Mom's house for supper. They decided to make Thanksgiving dinner. lol And it was delicious. I love days like that.

I put too much hot pepper sauce in my collard greens so I was up all night with heartburn. lol But it was worth it.  I also learned about a new product I want to try, Jennie O's frozen turkey breast.  That's why my parents bought and it was delicious.  It was only like $7-$8 from Wal-Mart and comes with a bag to cook it in and gravy. Y'all, it was so good. I think it would be great to buy that and make some turkey melts or something. Mmm! 

So that brings me to Monday. JD wasn't feeling good Sunday. He kept saying how tired he was and that he had a headache. So when Monday rolled around and he still wasn't feeling good I let him stay home from school (pre-k). Uh ... yea! That was a mess because the turd got to feelin' better right quick but I let him stay home from school anyways. After we got back home from grocery shopping I made him take a nap and poop hit the fan! He was all upset.  I don't know where the fit came from and don't really know where it went but he took a nap for about an hour and a half and woke up a new child. 

And that conversation leads me to this ... I wish when I had an attitude someone would tell me "You better get it together before I make you take a nap!!" I want a nap during the day. When someone is upset we never think that they're tired or anything we always blame it on something else. When a little rest might perk them up. My most favorite naps are literally those 15 minute naps where you felt like you've slept for three hours.

So, here it is Tuesday!! :o) I got up and made breakfast for my family, took JD to school, came home and did two loads of laundry, loaded the dishwasher and here I sit ... blogging about my weekend. Who knows if anyone will read this!! lol I do know if my hubby read it he would be like would you please clean out your closet and drawers like you said you would. And my response would be "sure honey, in just a minute".

Well Happy Tuesday to ya! :o) I guess I'm going to go clean like I said I would ... 

Whatcha Reading?

I was just curious to know if anyone was reading any good books?  Have you read any good books lately or do you plan on reading any books soon?

I'm reading Bait Of Satan:Living Free From the Deadly Trap of Offense right now and I'm loving it.  The good Lord above put that book in my hands at the right time.  Little did I know about a week before I got it I found out I was basically going to be laid off from my job.  This book along with my Bible has helped me to realize that allowing myself to be offended or holding onto offenses is not healthy.  It blocks blessings! 

I could go on and on about this book but I'm not going to right now. :o) When I finally finish the book I'm sure I'll do a whole blog post about it, lol. I'll need someone to tell it all to.

Well, tell me about your books! 

Night-Time Potty Training is for the Birds

VOTE ON THE POLL! It's at the top left of this page.

So, I'm just going to be completely honest with you, I feel like a horrible mom. I know, I know, these things are inevitable and every mother goes through it. 

But look, my son is 4-years old. He will be 5 in April.  He is so lazy and I have no clue why.  We don't allow him to be that way but the kid drags butt like no other. It works my nerves because my husband and I are so not like that.

Anywho, I've been trying to get this turd to go to the potty at night for a very, very long time.  He won't get up on his own.  I did research and realized that his brain has a lot to do with it and if that little part isn't developed yet then he won't get up. I said, ok, well I'm going to wake him up. :o)  

About a month and a half ago I quit buying pull-ups and put him in underwear. I get up about 4 times a night to wake him up to go to the bathroom.  We cut off his fluids around 7pm. That's usually after supper and dessert. (I always have dessert, lol)  We got a mattress protector for him. The first couple of weeks were like hell on earth; a whiny kid who is all mad at the world because he has to get up to pee. 

Y'all ... he is still that whiny kid who has to get up to pee.  That heathen even PEED on the bathroom floor because he was too lazy to point it to the toilet. REALLY? I'm not even jokin'. Ladies, I liked to have lost my religion! When I was reading about night time training it said to make your child do all the work, ie. pulling down his underwear, holding his gooby and all that. So, that's what I did. HA!

About three days into it I quit putting sheets on the bed and just laid down a beach towel. I refuse to give him a big comforter because I can't keep washing it in my washing machine. So he gets fleece blankets. Those are much lighter. I'm so sick and tired of dealing with it.  I'm tired of constantly doing laundry. I'm tired of hearing the whining at 11pm, 1am, 3am and 5am. I'm tired of him not waking up. I'm tired of threatening him. I'm tired of rewarding him when he does good and the results not continuing. 

Everyone I talk to tells me one of two things. 1. Their boys were much older, 6 or 7, before they quit wetting the bed at night.  Or 2. Their boys just did it automatically. They didn't have to night-time potty train.  I tried that with JD as soon as he got potty trained and it just didn't work.

My husband wet the bed until he was 6 or 7. I, being the smart girl that I am, did no such thing.  I was even tying my shoes at 3-years old. My son won't even attempt to do these things. ?? I don't know why! We try. We have patience.  We verbally reward, as well as, use tangible rewards. He is even like this at school though.

I mean, don't get me wrong. This isn't a bash JD session. He is a great kid. He's very tender-hearted. He's not ugly to other kids or anything like that. He is forever wanting to pray for people and he loves church.  I've never had an issue with him hitting, biting or anything. He's my angel love bug. :o) He is just my 'unmotivated' angel love bug. lol

I'm praying that when Amberly, the new baby, is born JD is going to step up to the plate and start being the big boy that we tell him he is. Oh and that's another thing, he'll say things like "When I'm a big boy .... " and we are like "Dude, you ARE a big boy. That's what  we keep telling you but for some reason you don't believe it."  If we give him responsibility he whines the whole time and we make him follow through to prove to HIMSELF that he CAN do it because he's very capable.  The kid is smart. He has an awesome memory and loves to learn. BUT ... he's lazy. He's unmotivated. He doesn't care.

What do I do? Any tips? Because they things I've read online, advice from friends and family ... all that isn't working with him.  Should I put him back in pull-ups and try again later?

Thanks, y'all. 

Firefighters Refused to Put Out Fire

First: Read the article HERE.

I'm on my way home from taking J.D. to preschool and I'm listening to News Talk Radio and I almost ran off the road when I heard this story. What has this world come to, y'all? $75!!! This family lost EVERYTHING over a $75 fee! Are you kiddin' me?

The fire began to spread into their neighbors yard and the fire department responded to that and put that out but the let the other's house BURN DOWN!! Pictures. Gone. Animals. Gone. Furniture. Gone. Clothes. Gone. EVERYTHING is gone! Dear God! I'm outraged by this.

I have firefighters in my family and I can not even think how someone can sit back and watch this happen to another human. I can't believe they weren't like taking up quick donations or something to pay that $75 for this family. Especially in this economy.

Please keep this family in your prayers and ask for God's hand to move in their situation.

Any thoughts on this??

I Survived My Trip to the Dentist

I'm not sure how you feel about the dentist but I am one of those people who works myself up over everything and feels ashamed of myself afterwards for being so nervous to begin with.

Let me start of by saying that I ignored the dental office for YEARS. I had a filling fall out and ignored it due to being scared of what they were going to do to fix it. My tooth ended up breaking open and after visiting with several dentist who said I needed I root canal I continued to ignore my tooth. It wasn't hurting so I felt like I was okay.

Long story short, I finally broke down and went to a small town dentist office and met the best dentist I've ever been to, in my opinion. He looked at my tooth and said it was bad but not bad enough for root canal. After doing some x-rays he decided to put a temporary filling and I went back 4 weeks later to have my permanent filling. Now, four weeks or more after that my tooth is doing great. :o)

I had my teeth cleaned two weeks ago and had full mouth x-rays done too. The result of those x-rays ... 10 cavities and one dead tooth (root canal). She said my teeth and gums looked great but in between my teeth is where the decay was from not flossing. So, this I say to you: FLOSS!

Today, I had a temporary filling today and when I go back in two weeks I'm going to have it finalized plus THREE more cavities filled.

How do you do it, you say? :o) ... With an MP3 player and prayer! I realized that I'm more scared of the noises of the drills and that sucky thing than anything else. I was jammin' out today to 'Good Directions' by Billy Currington and I opened my eyes and noticed my dentist kinda bobbin' his head. lol ... I paused and some how got out "you hear this?" and he said "yea". I got so embarrassed because I have SO MUCH different music on there from christian to booty shakin' rap lol ... I'm was thinking to myself "oh Lord, did he hear me jammin' to Grillz last time?"

Anyways, all in all, my appointments have not been bad and I'm so thankful that God brought me to this dentist. He is awesome and I trust him completely. I survived that dreaded trip and lived to tell about it. Yay!

What's New with Me ... Again!

A lot has changed since my last post and I've learned a lot over the past 5 months.

One. You can plan as much as you want but God is ultimately in control! My plans in my last post included college and a job. My life today consist of no college, a job where I'm getting 14 hours a week and a pregnancy that was unplanned in my mind. :o) That's right, I'm almost 20 weeks pregnant and I will be finding out what I'm having on Friday.

Two. The good Lord works everything to bring glory to Him and I'm so glad that He is the Lord of my life. I miscarried last year at 12 weeks. I posted on here about it and it was one of the toughest things I've ever been through. This pregnancy has been great but there's not a day that goes by that I don't think about "what if?" ...

My mind is in a better place this go around. Our finances may not be great but they are getting better. My walk with God is stronger because of the miscarriage. And as far as my job goes, I'm so thankful God moved me from the restaurant because I would have been putting a serious strain on my body trying to please people by being such a hard worker. At the tanning salon you just don't have to be so strenuous and active like you do in the restaurant.

Three. Perhaps college just isn't for me right now. I have tried about four times to go to college in my life. Honest to God, there is always something that totally deters me from my path. And I've learned that that's okay right now. :o)

Now that I have more time on my hands I'm going to try to start blogging a little more. JD is in preschool now and he goes everyday. I miss him but he's learning so much. I tried to talk Daniel into letting me homeschool him but he does need that classroom setting with other children and so forth. It'll be good for him.

JD is excited about being a big brother. We are having a gender announcement party this weekend and he is going to be the one to announce it to everyone. I'm hoping to take lots of pictures and I'll post some on here.

Well, Happy Tuesday! How do y'all like the new look for my blog? I did that yesterday.

The Latest With Me ....

So, I've totally forgotten about my blog. I guess, I just don't have a whole lot to write about anymore. My life has taken so many twists and turns that I'm just hanging on enjoying the ride. I used to be all gung-ho about blogging and searching the internet, now it's like JD goes to bed and I'm ready for bed. lol

I've decided to go back to college, again. This time I plan to actually stick with it. I'm going for business management. We shall see where this will take me. Hopefully some doors will open for me.

I recently quit my job of 2 1/2 years at a local family owned steakhouse to work full-time at a tanning salon. I prayed a lot about the decision and feel in my heart it was for the best. I was working 30 miles from where I lived and was bringing home less than $200 a week. That's not good. The tanning salon is seasonal, however, it's consistent pay for now and closer to home. After the season is over hopefully God will open a door for me.

JD will be starting Pre-K in August. Can you believe that little booger turned 4 last Saturday? Where does time go? It's crazy. Thankfully, he's going to a private Christian Pre-K program. My only issue is it gets out at 12pm and the only place for him to go after that, if I'm working, is back to daycare until I can go get him. I wish there was a way for that not to happen. But, I gotta make money. Ya know!

I used to search the internet daily trying to find the latest and greatest way to earn some extra cash. Affiliate programs, work at home jobs, sales opportunities, surveys. I, personally, earned a little bit of income but nothing to really live on. I need something to really live on. Is there anything new out there that someone is doing? What's the latest trend? I'd love to hear about what you do!

Let It Go ...

I've decided to let it go .... My website that is, www.HappySAHM.com. It will be expiring soon and I will not be renewing my domain name and all that with GoDaddy.

It's kinda bittersweet though because I put so much hard work and effort into making it. A lot of long nights went into that website. But, I just don't ever feel like updating it anymore. Since JD started daycare and I started working during the day I've lost interest in it.

lol, Kinda like this blog. I used to update it all the time and now, I barely have time to deal with it. I'm just not sure what to write about anymore. I'm going to try though .... Just not today. hahaha ....

Whoa! It's November!

Dude, where did this year go?? Seriously ... this is kinda scary. I was in CVS the other day and they already have out Christmas stuff. I was like "good grief Charlie Brown". And it hit me, I was one day away from Halloween.

I started thinking about this year and what all I have done with myself. As we get older sometimes we get into going through motions and never really stop to think about what we're doing.

I have successfully read cover to cover about 7 books this year! I'm so proud of myself. There were a few years there where I didn't even read one, so 7 is great for me. haha

I've also managed to pay off a credit card and a line of credit. :o) Yay!

I also did something I've never done before ... taxes! Yes, I worked with Jackson Hewitt this past tax season and was a seasonal tax preparer.

I've done some other things to but I don't want to bore you with all of them.

The most important thing I've done though is strengthen my relationship with Jesus Christ. I've stepped up to the plate and have taken up my cross to follow after my Savior. In that process I've encouraged other people to do the same. Our preacher said one morning, "What's the last thing you've done for Jesus?" ... It made me think about all he's done for me ... And what have I done in return.

I watched an awesome video a few months ago and I would like for you to watch it. This video is FOR CHRISTIANS ... The Fire! It's pretty great! It's by a man named Nate Pfeil. This video didn't make me feel good ... It made me think!

Children's Healthcare of Atlanta

As many of you know my cousin Jessica passed away January 2008. You can read her story under the Updates of Jessica posts on here.

She was a regular patient at the Children's Heathcare of Atlanta. She made good friend with some of the nurses and doctors and when Jessica passed away these wonderful people came to her funeral.

Jessica's birthday is December 13. I've made a pledge to raise $1,000 by that day to help benefit this wonderful hospital and I need your help.

Check out my Fundraising Pledge.

Thank you!!!

5 Years Strong!

Daniel and I are celebrating our 5 year anniversary tomorrow. I can't believe we made it this far. Seriously ...

We're actually celebrating Saturday but the big day is tomorrow. We're both working. haha ... Gotta have some money. I'm working a double and when he gets off at EMC he's going to work at the restaurant. He's working up there where I work on Thursday and Friday nights. We're trying to stay afloat.

Anywho, Saturday we're going to Pine Mountain to do this animal safari thing with J.D. I'm excited.

Well, I haven't updated my blog in a while because I've been pullin' too many hours. Hope all my bloggin' buddies are doing great.

Great News ...

So, yesterday I posted about settling with a credit card company. :o) I was up some of the night praying and asking for guidance and help and really got myself into the mind set of getting this stuff paid for. We can do it if we get our butts in gear, ya know.

Daniel had mentioned something about filing for bankruptcy and it just didn't sit right with me because we 'could' make the payment if we put our minds to it. Either way, bankruptcy or not, it's going to have to get paid for, right? So why not just pay for it and avoid changing your life completely. I finally talked him into NOT filing for bankruptcy by reading THIS ARTICLE to him. Finally, he understood.

Well, today I talked to Heather and she agreed to let me work an extra night shift to help pay it down. I was super stoked about that. And also, we had two other companies call and agreed to work with us. So, by the end of this year we will be out from under two cards. Woo-Hoo!

I tell ya what ... We haven't used a credit card in over two years and don't ever plan on doing it again. We got ourselves into a bind by being irresponsible and IT SUCKS. We know what we did wrong and have definitely learned our lesson.

Pray for us though ... That everything falls into place.
Matthew 6:33

I Need $1,400 ...

So, Daniel and I are in some credit card debt ... along with everyone else. Well, we had a creditor call this evening and offer to settle with us for $1,400 but it all has to be paid by October. Well ... I don't have an extra $350 a month laying around. I mean, if I did ... I'd be makin' the payment. ?? Duh!

Well, here I am trying to figure out where we can get an extra $89 a week to put towards our bill. I'm going to ask Heather if I can work an extra night or two each week at the restaurant to help get this paid down. I hope and pray she says yes. She's already fully staffed so .. We'll see how this goes.

But, I've also been lookin' online for other ways to get some cash. Well, I know of all the scams so I'm cautious about everything. And I'm planning on having a yard sale but I'm not sure how that will go because I don't have a whole lot of anything to sale. lol ...

Do you know of anything? I'm not interested in direct selling businesses ... I don't have time for parties or long conference calls. Ugh, I don't know .... At one point in time I sold Avon, Home Interiors and Melaleuca. And all three helped to get me where I'm at today. In debt. :o) Minimum orders and all that crap add up.

I will say this ... Them wanting to settle has definitely got me motivated. Because it makes us feel like there's an end in sight. Ya know? We've been reading Dave Ramsey's book about budgeting and all that good stuff but how do you budget when you don't have money to budget with? We just have more going out than what's coming in. And we HAVE to get it under control. Working in a restaurant definitely doesn't help. Some weeks it's beneficial and some weeks it's not.

So, if you'd like ... help me out! :o) What are your tips ... Thanks!

The Wishing Jar

I just finished reading The Wishing Jar by Penelope J. Stokes and I loved it.

If you read and visit the library often do you ever feel like sometimes a book finds you rather than you find the book? Well, that's how I felt Tuesday when while I was searching for a book to read to get my mind off of the D&C I had last Friday.

I had searched through all kinds of books waiting to feel like I found the one I wanted to read and then I finally came across a green book with a jar on the front. There was a symbol on the side that read Christian Novel with a cross on it. I had the urge come over me and I picked it up and walked up to check it out. I didn't even read the back to see what it was about.

In all, it took me about 7 hours to read the book in a span of 3 days of reading. I highly recommend this novel to anyone. We all take things from books and I took from this one not to ask "why me" when we go through trials and tests but to find God in the situation and go from there. I look back at the miscarriage and don't think about the miscarriage but trust God with no questions asked. I learned at church one Sunday that sometimes God chooses us for certain things because we're strong enough to take it. I choose to roll with that answer and move on to the next task.

If you get a chance, check out the book at the library and read it. Come tell me what you think about it.

I Thought I was Strong ...

New here? You need to read the previous entries to understand any of this!

And remember ... read the tagline below the title up there! :o)

Um ... how do I put this? I think I have some people fooled. For the past couple of days I've heard things like, "You're a strong person, you'll pull through this", "God is on your side, he'll give you strength." And I appreciate all of these comments, really I do. But ... I think I'm fooling some folks and have on a great mask.

I know I'm a strong person but y'all, I'm mourning right now. I'm in pain and I miss the thought of perhaps having a little girl.

From the beginning of my pregnancy with J.D. I knew ... I KNEW I was having a little boy. And from the beginning of this one I felt it was going to be a little girl.

I called it a her and her name would have been Kalynn Grace Williams. :o) And y'all ... I didn't want a girl. lol I would be blessed to have all boys ... But look, we were at Wal-Mart Saturday night getting some things to make a banana pudding and I saw all of these girls and I felt like they all sensed I was going through a hard time because they all smiled at me when they looked at me and continued to watch me. I don't know if it was my sad smile when I looked at them but ... something made them notice me. Broke my heart. But it was the darndest thing.

I rode home with the windows rolled down jammin' out to 80's music but I was in my own world. I'll admit ... I was having a "what might've been" moment. My due date was 2 days after my birthday. She could've been born on my birthday and then we really would've fought because she'd be just like me. haha ... Ah ... What might've been .... Atleast she'd been awesome. All Capricorn's are great! *wink*

It's hard not to drift into dreams like that when you go through something like this. I can't help it. And I try to be strong and say I can make it through this. Women do it EVERYDAY and everyday life goes on. I KNOW! This is just a little harder than I imagined. I don't know why. The spiritual side of me is saying ... "it's the Devil putting these thoughts in your mind". And the realistic side of me is saying ... "Honey, this is just life. And in life, when you're sad, your just that ... sad!" *sigh*

I don't drink ... but I want to.
And I don't smoke ... but I want to.
Why though ... ?
Seriously ... like those things are going to help!? Uh .. NO!

Then I argue with myself again ... Give a sacrifice of praise and open your Bible and just read ... Be by yourself and just pray ... Turn on the radio and sing worship songs. I'm not a baby Christian anymore and I know what I need to do ... But the rebel deep down just don't want to. How sad ....

So anyways... I'm going to stop here before I keep rambling. Please pray for me ... And keep me in your prayers.