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Tuesday, January 15, 2008

Update On Jessica

The doctor's say this is the end. Jessica's lungs are steadily filling with fluid. She is on a ventilator because she needs help breathing. She has said that she doesn't want to be resuscitated if something goes wrong.

Last night when I was in the room I tried not to cry but I couldn't help it. I was rubbing her hair and the only thing I could say was "I love you". I said at one point everything is okay because the nurse said she needs to know it's okay to leave us. Do you have any clue how hard that is? Knowing that this may be the last time I'll ever see her alive?

She's heavily sedated but she wakes up every now and then ... She woke up when I was back there. When I told her I loved her, tears just rolled down her swollen cheeks. It was hard watching her lips quiver and seeing her chest go up and down trying not to cry so hard. She can't talk, she can communicate with yes or no questions and stuff. Can you imagine laying there knowing that at any moment, you could pass?

We left the hospital around 1:00 a.m. this morning. I talked to my Mom and she is up there now with Sharon (Jessica's mom, my mom's twin). She said Jessica is still in the same condition as she was yesterday.

I'm struggling with the understanding of WHY this is happening. I know all things happen for a reason and we shouldn't question why but, I can't help it. The doctor's said when she goes it will be of cardiac arrest. That is terrible. Why can't she just go in her sleep? Why does it have to be something so dramatic and painful? Has she not suffered enough.

Please continue to pray for Jessica. And be sure to add Sharon in your prayers as well.

I can't type about this anymore.

1 comment:

jessica said...

I JUST TEXTED U. MY HEART REALLY GOES OUT TO ALL OF YOU. IF YOU ALL NEED ANYTHING PLEASE CALL ME. JESSICA IS AND WILL BE IN MY PRAYERS!

LUV YA

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